Sadness Seen
by NycterisM
Summary: Doctor/Rose. Spoilers for Season 3. The Doctor is seeing things. 'Doctor.' He smiled at the voice. 'Rose.' He acknowledged and let his eyes open to see his former companion standing in front of him.
1. Chapter 1

**Saddness Seen 1/8**

Spoilers for Season 3 - 'Sound of the Drums'

The night air was damp and cool as it blew lost sections of a newspaper beneath the brick bridge. The Doctor sat with his back against the wall, hardly caring that the cold hardness of the concrete had seeped through his coat and trousers and numbed his bottom. His legs were stretched out before him. His hands lay in his lap, absentmindedly twisting the buttons on his coat. The underside of the bridge was covered in evidence of years of water. Moss and slime grew in abundance and displayed the places the rain usually ran in rivers down the brick. The concrete covered ground boasted several puddles. Martha and Jack lay in between the puddles wrapped in their coats and a couple of old blankets they'd scavenged. The Doctor broke his silent stare at the opposite wall and smiled at them and their very human need for sleep. In some small ways the Doctor was jealous of them. If he could sleep then maybe his mind could sort through the events of the day as well. Instead he had to do it himself. He let out a little sigh and let his head fall back against the wall with a soft thud. He closed his eyes and tried to sort through the millions of thoughts coursing through his mind, all vying for attention.

The Master, alive and planning who knew what horrors for his beloved planet. The Doctor knew the Master did it all just to hurt him, and hurt it did. The pain was so great he struggled to keep it hidden from his companions but, left alone with his thoughts, he couldn't keep it down any longer. It buoyed to the surface as though it had been a child's ball he'd been holding under water. It grasped hold of his throat and chest and squeezed. The only other survivor of his beautiful home had to be the Master. Why couldn't it have been Romana or one of his other friends, or anyone else really? But no, it had to be the Master because what was life without irony? The worst part of it was they had been friends once, a long, long time ago. They'd been good friends, running around the university together making their professors wild. What had gone wrong? It was clear that the Master hated him, but why?

Oh he needed her. It seemed all the pain in him was connected. Think of one source and inevitably he'd arrive at _that_ one. He rubbed the silent escaping tears away from his face. He let his hands fall down once more and listened to the sounds around him. The soft but incessant dripping, a couple of stray dogs calling to each other.

'Doctor.' He smiled at the voice.

'Rose.' He acknowledged and let his eyes open to see his former companion standing in front of him. 'Think of the sun and you come to me.'

They stayed as they were, watching each other. She bit the corner of her lip as she saw the pain and sorrow filling his eyes. She had hoped that the pain would lessen over time, but it only seemed to have grown… significantly. Something had happened. She held her left elbow with her right hand across her body and patiently waited for him to tell her.

'The Master is here.'

Rose nodded slowly in encouragement and gently asked. 'Who is the Master?'

'He's…' The Doctor rubbed his face again as he continued, muffling his words. 'Oh, he's another Time Lord.'

Rose's eyebrows raised a bit but she remained silent, sensing there was more.

'He's not a very nice Time Lord. More of the insane, psychotic variety.' The Doctor looked down at his hands. 'We were friends… once. Now he seems to have made it his life's work to torture me.'

Rose's eye filled with concern. She hated seeing the Doctor like this. 'What will he do?'

The Doctor jumped to his feet, needing more movement than sitting on the concrete was offering. 'Oh probably something on the destruction of the world scale.' He began to pace near her. 'I don't know what he's planning. There was a time when he'd tell me everything, made it much easier to stop him. But… this regeneration seems to like secrets.' He came to stop in front of her.

'I don't know what to do, Rose. He's hunting us and…' He trailed off and just stared into the distance.

'Where and when are you?' Rose looked around her for the first time. Under a bridge somewhere.

'London, 2007.' He said and, pushing his hands into his pockets, he began to wander in a vague figure of eight.

Rose's eyes fell on the makeshift table and chairs and the remnants of their dinner. 'Oh, you had chips!'

The Doctor nodded and walked back toward her. 'It felt a bit odd to have them without you, they were good ones too… you'd have liked them.' He smiled a bit sadly. 'They're the only taste I have of you really.'

'Y…you think about what I taste like?' Rose's eyebrows flew up and her face began to resemble her name. The Doctor's eyes lowered to watch her lips and he nodded. He drew in a deep breath and looked back at her. Rose was frozen by what she saw in his eyes. He raised his hand to her cheek, stopping just short so he wouldn't break the illusion that she was really there.

'Sometimes I wish you were really here. I need you. Mostly I'm glad you're not because where you are The Master can never harm you. Rose… I…'

'Who are you talking to?' The Doctor swiftly dropped his hand and spun to look at Jack who was lying on his side, propped up by his arm and watching the Doctor in confusion and concern.

'No one.' The Doctor answered quickly. 'Just talking out loud, helps me think.' There was no way he was telling Jack that he spoke to a figment of his own imagination on a regular basis. Jack wasn't buying his answer. He'd clearly seen the Doctor acting as though there had been someone standing in front of him and, judging by what he'd been saying, it had been Rose. But he let the matter rest for the time being.

Seeing Martha begin to stir as well the Doctor prepared to explain the relevant parts the plan that had been formulating in his mind. 'Right, we need to hide.' Martha moaned as she sat up, sleeping on hard concrete hadn't been the best thing to do as her body was loudly complaining to her. Jack turned to help her. While his back was turned the Doctor looked back at Rose and smiled softly. She smiled back.

'I'll see you later. Good luck, have fun and…' she paused and grinned at him, causing him to grin back 'I love you.' Then she faded from view, happy that she'd left him with a smile on his face at least and now that Jack and Martha were awake they'd look after him. The Doctor smiled in memory. She always said she loved him before she left. It had become almost a ritual, but a reassuring one. He had yet to say it to her… he wasn't sure he could.

Turning to see Martha and Jack ready and awake the Doctor bounced into action.


	2. Chapter 2

Under the damp dirty bridge in London 2007 wasn't the first time Rose had appeared to The Doctor. The first time had been much earlier, on another continent in a different time. The Daleks had turned up in 1930s Manhattan of all places. Four of them, hiding out beneath buildings and running experiments on the local street population. The Doctor, Martha and the captured residents of Hooverville had just escaped and run back to the makeshift village in Central Park. Martha was busy moving between the escapees, healing and patching up wounds with what little she could find. The Doctor sat dejected in a tent. He leant forward, elbows on his knees, head hanging down as he massaged his hands. They were alive. They had survived. After everything… after Gallifrey… after Rose. They still survived while he lost everything. Why wouldn't they just die! He felt like screaming at the universe, at life, at anything.

He felt the presence of someone in the tent, coming closer to him. Why wouldn't they just leave him alone, just for a minute? What was a minute? But no… they needed him to save them. He sighed and hoped they'd see he was thinking and leave him alone.

"Doctor?" The Doctor froze. The question had been asked tentatively but it wasn't the question that scared him, it was the voice. He looked up in fear and saw Rose standing near him leaning over, trying to see his face to see if he was alright. The Doctor tried to jump up and run away all at the same time. But the folding chair he'd been sitting on and side of the tent got in his way and he ended up tripping over the chair leg and his own feet and landed painfully on his knees on the dirt floor of the tent, the chair twisted around his hip. He stared at her in terror as he threw the chair away from him.

'No… no it's ok.' Rose held out a hand towards him. 'I'm not really here.'

'What do you mean 'it's ok'? That's worse!' The Doctor pushed his palm hard into the dirt, trying to convince himself of reality.

Rose sat down cross-legged on the dirt in front of him and waited for him to calm down.

'But… but what are you?' The Doctor ran through the list of alien races he knew could take the image of a memory, turning a person into what was commonly thought of as a ghost. Rose shook her head at each one. As each possibility was mentioned and rejected the Doctor grew more and more worried until he reached the last possibility that he really didn't want to ask. 'Are you… a figment of my imagination?'

Rose smiled and shook her head. 'I don't think so.'

'Then how can you _be_ here?' Rose shrugged, evidently if she knew she wasn't going to tell him. The Doctor frowned and fell silent just watching her.

Rose smiled. 'It's good to see you again, Doctor.'

'But… but' he spluttered 'How do I know if it's even really you?'

Rose sighed and rose up on her knees, moving slightly towards him as though about to tell a secret. 'When you regenerated I wasn't sure if it was you or not. I thought you were a slitheen or something. To convince me you told me the first word you ever said to me. It was 'run'.' She watched him intently to see if he believed her or not yet. 'The first thing you noticed about your new body was your teeth, and I'm gonna guess your tongue cause you've been licking things ever since.' He still looked doubtful. 'Doctor, it's me honest.'

He was unconvinced but longing enough to play along… for now. He reached out to brush the hair off her face and almost cried out in pain when his hand went through her as though she were air.

'I told you, I'm not really here.' Rose bit her lip and looked as saddened by the fact that they couldn't touch as he did. A single tear escaped his eye and she watched as it ran down towards his chin.

To stop herself crying she squeezed her eyes tight and asked with false brightness. 'So what have you been up to?'

The Doctor brushed the tear from his face. 'Oh I'm in Manhattan with Martha, thought I'd show her the Statue of Liberty, and guess what. The Daleks are here.' Rose's eyes widened and he grinned sarcastically. 'Isn't life wonderful?'

'The Daleks?' Rose stood up and turned slightly away from him, hugging herself. 'Why don't they just go away?'

The Doctor nodded and stood as well.

'Wait a sec…' Rose whirled back to face him. 'Who's Martha?'

'Ah… She's travelling with me. I found her in a hospital in London. She's nice. You'd like her. But the question is, what am I meant to do about the Daleks this time?' The Doctor quickly entered rambling mode and began pacing the tent.

Rose tried very hard to push away any feeling of jealousy towards this Martha person, but she couldn't quite stop one jab escaping her mouth and muttered. 'Maybe _Martha_ can tell you.'

The Doctor stopped and walked quickly over to her. Rose watched the incredibly interesting beetle making its journey across the dirt. The Doctor watched her intently.

'Look at me, Rose.'

Rose raised her eyes to meet his, but not her head.

'She is _not_ your replacement.' The Doctor willed her to understand, figment of his imagination, fake ghost, whatever, in any form, real or not, he couldn't handle Rose not believing him. 'I could never replace you. I…' He stopped.

Rose nodded. 'I'm sorry, I know. It's good you're travelling with someone.' Rose tried very hard to believe her own words, and she did, mostly. 'I just wish…'

The Doctor nodded. They both wished that.

Rose took a deep breath. 'So what are you going to do about the Daleks?'

'I don't know, I'll figure it out when I get there.'

Rose nodded. He usually did. The Doctor gave new meaning to 'works well under pressure'. It was almost like the threat of certain death was what his mind thrived on.

'Doctor!' A voice called from outside the tent and moments later a young woman hurried in and stopped short.

'I thought you were talking with someone. I heard talking.' The Doctor's opened his mouth to answer but she hurried on. 'Never mind. The pig men are coming… Don't say that everyday.'

Martha, Rose assumed, given her clothing style. She couldn't help but think that she was a bit pretty.

'Ok, thank you Martha. I'll be there soon.' Martha nodded and left the tent again to go and find Tallulah and Frank.

The Doctor spun back to Rose. 'She couldn't see you.' He accused. 'There! You are a figment of my imagination. I'm going insane. Always knew it would happen one day.'

'I'm not!' Rose cried. 'Honestly, I'm not.' She held her hands out to him, imploring him to believe her.

'Then _what_ are you?' He almost screamed at her. '_Why_ take this form? Why this one? Be someone else, anyone else! Please!' He sank to his knees in front of her. 'Please.'

The last soft 'please' nearly broke Rose's heart. She knelt in front of him, tears running down her cheeks. 'I _am_ me. I can't tell you any more, but I am me.'

She waited on the dirt before him as he stared into her eyes, trying to understand. She hated having to say it, hated that he couldn't just sit and cry like any normal person, but he wasn't a normal person, he was the Doctor and he had a world to save.

'You have to do it, Doctor. You have to save them.'

At last he drew in a shaky but settling breath and stood. He walked towards the entrance of the tent, through which yells of orders and screams of panic and fear were filtering.

'Doctor.' She called and he stopped. 'I love you.'

He nodded and continued out of the tent without looking back.

~*~

The next evening Rose returned, looking for her Doctor. She appeared on top of a very tall building and had to close her eyes for a minute to calm the instant fear of being so high without any protective gear, not that she needed any. Opening her eyes once more she looked about her. The city stretched away from her into the horizon, lights shining like multi-coloured stars fallen to Earth. It was beautiful. She smiled and looked around for the Doctor. If she had appeared here he must be nearby.

Then she saw him, lying on his back on the opposite side of the structure. She ran over to him. His arms were flung wide, one hanging over the edge. His face was covered in tiny drops of water and his hair blew in the breeze that flapped his coat against the metal. He was unconscious and looked utterly peaceful. A small smile on his lips.

'Doctor!' She called. He didn't stir. 'Doctor!' she called again. 'Come on Doctor, you have to get up!' Her eyes were tearing up as she felt the enormity of the situation. The Doctor unconscious, she didn't want to even entertain the thought that he might be dead. He was unconscious and she couldn't help him. She couldn't hold him, couldn't wake him by anything but her voice and if he woke suddenly and rolled in the wrong direction, she wouldn't be able to stop him falling. She couldn't save him. She could only watch and call.

'Doctor! Doctor!' She began to chant his name in desperation, each word changing slightly in tone. She was watching him so intently that she was startled by the arrival of Martha and the others. Rose stopped calling him and moved out of the way as Martha rushed to his side and tried to revive him. As the Doctor stirred and winced at the pain in his head Rose grinned, he was alive!

The Doctor slowly opened his eyes and, seeing Rose leaning over Martha's shoulder, smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

The next time she appeared John Smith was completely unprepared. She turned up in his room as he'd been sitting down to a spot of afternoon tea. When Rose walked out of his personal library his teacup landed with a smash, scattering bits of china and tea on the wooden floor, and the journal he'd been updating landed with a soft thud next to it.

'Y…y…you. You're not real.' He stammered, pointing at her with a shaking finger.  
'What? I thought we'd been over this.' Rose was confused and more than a little worried at the Doctor's behaviour.  
'No. No. You're a dream.' He got up and proceeded to show her and prove to himself by pinching his arm hard. 'Ow!' His eyes widened and he backed away from her. She followed until his back connected with the window and the edge of the curtain slid around his shoulder.  
'What's wrong with you?' Rose was really concerned now. He wasn't acting himself at all.  
'Go away. Go away.' His hands waved in front of him and he tried to shoo her. 'You can't be real. I can't be seeing you.'  
'Well clearly you are.' Rose was getting a bit impatient but she asked more gently. 'Doctor, what's going on?'  
'I'm not the Doctor. He's just a story! And you… you're a dream. Just a story.' John pushed past her and grabbed his journal off the floor. Flicking to the right page he shoved the picture he'd drawn of her under her nose.  
'Ok… ok… calm down. I'm just a story. You're daydreaming.' This seemed to help immeasurably. Glad the Doctor was no longer on the verge of having a heart attack or two, Rose set about trying to figure out what on earth was going on. Looking around the room she noticed that it was obviously not her time. She saw a newspaper thrown haphazardly on the bed and glanced over at the date. 1913 and England apparently. She looked back at him. He was dressed as a 1913 schoolteacher, that wasn't so worrying, what was worrying was that he was acting like he _was_ a 1913 schoolteacher.

'What's your name?' Rose hugged herself.  
'John Smith.' John moved gingerly around the shattered teacup.  
'Do you know who I am?'  
John nodded slowly. Rose waited for him to clarify.  
'Rose.'  
Rose nodded. 'How do you know me? You said I was a dream, what did you mean?'  
'I dream about you.'  
'Okay.' Rose said slowly. 'What are we doing in your dreams?'  
'Running. We do that a lot and… other… things.' Things that it appeared he would never mention aloud to any living soul even under torture.  
Rose smiled and her tongue crept between her teeth. This was John's favourite smile and he couldn't help but smile shyly back, despite circumstances.

So apparently he did know who she was, sort of. That still didn't explain what was going on. He seemed much more at ease when he thought she was a dream so she'd play along until she found out more.  
'Well John. It's been nice to see you again. I'm going for a walk.' She headed for the door that was thankfully ajar just enough for her to squeeze through, she didn't think it would help him if she walked through the wall, in fact she wasn't sure she could having previously only appeared here and appeared there. As she reached the door she just couldn't resist and looked back over her shoulder.  
'I'll see you tonight.' She smiled suggestively and loved the shocked look on his face.

She wandered through the school and was incredibly glad no one but the Doctor could see her. It would have made this whole thing much harder and more time consuming if she'd had to dodge people and keep to shadows all the time. Eventually she found Martha dressed as a maid and cleaning with another maid. Rose sat down to wait and listen. Judging from the odd tiny slip up she made here and there, Martha obviously knew a bit more about what was happening than the Doctor had. Eventually they finished cleaning and Martha headed out in her coat and hat. Rose followed. Finally, she thought, as she followed Martha into a shed and saw the TARDIS. Once inside Rose smiled and closed her eyes. Home. The TARDIS gave a delighted little hum and Martha smiled.  
'You haven't done that before. What is it?' The TARDIS continued to hum and Martha shook her head, reminding herself that the ship was only a machine.  
'Hello sweetie.' Rose said skimming her hand just over the tops of the controls. The TARDIS softly whistled hello. Rose looked up. 'Can you feel me?' The TARDIS answered with a hum that obviously meant yes. Rose grinned.  
Martha had moved around to watch the monitor so Rose followed her. She smiled as the image of the Doctor filled the screen. As Martha watched Rose discovered the truth. The Doctor was human and hiding. No wonder he'd been shocked by her appearance. He was a man from 1913. She chuckled. Poor thing. It also soon became apparent that Martha was in love with him. Rose sighed. She knew how easy it was to love the Doctor… and how hard. Part of her felt sorry for Martha and another smaller part growled at the other girl.

Rose sighed. She knew she couldn't stay here. She'd only get in the way of the plan to hide from the Family, and she wasn't sure John Smith would be able to handle her presence.

~*~

Later that night Rose crept back into John Smith's room. The window was open and the breeze pushed the lace curtains gently into the room. The moonlight stretched in over the sleeping form in the bed. Rose softly walked over to him and climbed onto the corner of the bed. She sat still and watched him while he slept. Every now and then he'd make a soft noise and move a little. Rose smiled and stretched out to lie on the bed next to him. She watched as his eyes moved rapidly beneath his eyelids. He gave another soft moan.  
'Rose.'  
Rose bit her lip. He was dreaming about her? She watched him intently, willing him to say something else.  
'Stay. Don't leave me.' He pleaded with the Rose in his dream.  
Rose's breath caught in her throat.  
John gasped and his eyes flew open, full of tears. Seeing her lying next to him he calmed down a little.  
'I'm still dreaming, aren't I?'  
Rose nodded and he smiled, not wanting to wake just yet.  
'Close your eyes again.' Rose said simply and smiled when he obeyed.  
'I love you.' She assured him.  
John nodded, and with his eyes still closed he didn't see her fade from view.


	4. Chapter 4

Rose found herself standing in a small apartment kitchen. The walls were a bit yellow but looked like someone had recently scrubbed them in a vain attempt to clean them. In fact, everything in the kitchen looked that way. There was a small table against one floral wallpaper covered wall that could seat no more than two, perhaps three at a squeeze. Two vinyl covered chairs were pushed in tidily at each side. A window at the end showed a view of the estate below and was framed in simple lace curtains. An oven, fridge, benches and cupboards lined the opposite wall to the table. Rose smiled at the familiarity before heading out the door in search of the Doctor who, according to past experience, shouldn't be far.

As predicted, when she entered the lounge across the hall from the kitchen, there he sat on an old sofa with his back to her, huddled over some sort of experiment slash invention that was spread in bits and pieces all over the coffee table.  
'Hello Doctor.' She greeted, walking around the sofa and hoping he'd know her and there wouldn't be a repeat of the last time she'd seen him.  
He jumped and looked up, having been engrossed in what he was doing.  
'Rose!' He cried joyfully and ripped off the strange contraption he'd had on his head that had served as a magnifying glass.  
'That's me.' She grinned. He seemed much happier than she'd seen him in a while. 'So what's been happening?' She looked around the living room that was about three times the width of the kitchen and boasted a window at the same end. The only furnishings were some reasonable curtains, the sofa, coffee table and another chair opposite.  
'Oh! We were thrown back in time by some Weeping Angels and now we have to live in 1969 until a very clever girl in 2007 named Sally Sparrow saves us all.' He grinned at her as though he was having the time of his life.  
Rose grinned back, a little uncertain.  
'We've been here for two weeks now. It's odd not to be the one to save the world, but to just wait for someone else to do it. But it's been fun! We met a very nice man down the road called Billy, and Stella in the next apartment has brought us lots of food. Valerie got the curtains for us. Martha's working in a shop! That's where she is now. Has to support me. I don't think she likes it very much.' He mused and then grinned as though he didn't really care how much she enjoyed it.  
'You're going out of your mind aren't you.' Rose grinned.  
'No. No. It's very lovely. Very domestic.' He shook his head. Rose raised an eyebrow at him. 'Oh alright yes!' He fell back on the couch and sat in a slump, his arms crossed over his chest. 'London was very boring in 1969. Nothing happens! It's just all beans on toast!' His lower lip crept out from underneath the top one and he looked very put out.

'But I thought 1969 was meant to be a brilliant year. Flower power and all that.'  
'Hippies are fun for a while but after a bit they get to you. I used to travel with one, well she was close enough anyway. But no, I used to live in England in 1969 and so I'm already at all the good things that are happening so I can't go.' Rose was a little afraid that that sentence made perfect sense to her. 'Well… I could go but… don't have the TARDIS and I have to be here to make sure everything works out right for Sally.' He fell silent. Rose smiled at his desperation to move and explore and do something.

'Wait a minute, Martha's working in a shop? Poor thing.' Rose grinned. The Doctor nodded and grinned back.  
'She hates it. I don't think she's ever worked in one before.'

'I'm sorry about last time Rose.' The Doctor grew serious. 'I was hiding.'  
Rose nodded that she understood.  
'You remembered me.' Rose smiled shyly.  
'Of course I remembered you. You're… you.' The Doctor looked at her as though disbelieving that she'd ever doubt he would always remember her. If she was from his mind she should know that. He assumed that his mind had done a very good job of recreating Rose, insecurities and all.  
'Doctor… Is there really no way for you to come and get me?' She looked down at her hands.  
'Even if there was, you've probably moved on with your life by now… forgotten all about me.' The Doctor tried to look happy with that outcome but he just couldn't make it reach his eyes. 'You have Mickey and your mother and Pete.'  
'No. I'd never forget you. Doctor. I've wanted you to come… so much.' Rose felt her voice begin to choke. 'Please. If you know a way, please come. I meant what I said at Canary Warf. I want to stay with you. Forever.'  
The Doctor shook his head.  
'Stop it.' He begged. He had to do what was right for Rose. Even if he could do it. What if he did and got there without destroying everything and then she didn't want to come? It would break his hearts even more than they were already. At least at the moment he had the illusion of Rose with him. It frightened him a little how much he looked forward to her turning up, and how happy he was when she did. He squeezed his eyes closed and rubbed his hand over them.

The door opened and shut and Martha called out for him. He sighed in relief. With Martha there he could be distracted away from his own thoughts. He stood and walked towards the kitchen where she'd gone to unload the shopping from her arms.  
'Doctor. Please.' Rose begged.  
The Doctor refused to turn around so he didn't see the tears spilling down her cheeks. He shook his head and continued out of the room. Rose rubbed her hands over the pain in her stomach and let a sob rip from within her. 'I love you,' she whispered as she faded away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sadness Seen 5/8**

The Doctor stood in the darkness before the funeral pyre of his one time friend and long time enemy. A gentle breeze, which appeared uncaring of the enormity of the event taking place, played with the flames of the torch in his right hand. He gripped the handle tightly, his knuckles white. The wood of the torch wasn't smooth and pleasant. There was a particular knot on it that pressed painfully into his hand. He didn't mind the pain, in fact he welcomed it, not that he would admit this to anyone. Pain seemed to be his life at the moment. It was familiar and oddly comforting, grounding in a way. So he was caught between hating the pain because it hurt and welcoming it because with the pain came the memories, of the Master, of Gallifrey, of Rose. For awhile there he had been able to remember Gallifrey without the pain, with much sadness, but less pain. As he had described it to Martha and Jack that night beneath that bridge that now seemed so long ago, he had been able to tell them, to draw up the images of his wonderful home. He had been able to remember the mountains, the suns, and the cities, the colours and smells and tastes. Able to remember it all with sadness and longing but with much less of the pain that usually gripped his hearts, and less of the guilt.

But now as he stood before the high pile of wood and carefully wrapped body, silent in the night air, the pain was flooding him again. He was consumed with loneliness. The desperation with which he'd begged the Master to regenerate had shaken him. He hadn't realised just how much he missed them, how much he needed them, nor how alone he was until that moment when his nemesis was leaving him. Now he stared almost unseeing at the pyre, his thoughts filtered down to one. Just one. The intense longing he felt for her arms. It seemed that he could face anything if only he had Rose's arms about him, and her in his. His body and arms ached for her.

He knew the exact moment she appeared at his side. For a time he didn't even turn to look at her, just continued looking at the body on the pyre. She remained silent at his side. Eventually he turned his head and saw her smile at him. He held his left hand a little out from his side and let a small sigh escape his lips as she slid her hand against his. His hand curled around hers, feeling nothing more than a strong memory. He held his hand steady in that position, refusing to give up the illusion. He raised his eyes back to hers and she nodded encouragingly. He looked at the torch and then held it against the pyre. The prepared wood caught alight almost immediately and the flames swiftly licked their way along to encompass the whole structure.

Rose watched him and saw the fire shimmering in his wet eyes. Soon he blinked slowly and turned away. Together they walked the short distance back to the TARDIS. When he opened the door she followed him in. Jack and Martha were sitting in the control room waiting for his return. Both were very sober, full of memories of the year that wasn't, and of concern for the Doctor. They sat in companionable silence and when the Doctor entered they quickly got up and came towards him. Jack gently took the torch the Doctor still held and went to extinguish it. He left it on the bench in the kitchen area, thinking the Doctor might like to keep it awhile. When he returned Martha was still standing in the same place, watching the Doctor as he moved silently and slowly around the console. Martha had yet to say anything, mostly because she couldn't think of anything helpful and didn't want to say anything damaging.

As Jack watched he noticed that the Doctor seemed to be doing everything with his right hand, his left hung rigidly by his side, his fingers curled in an odd position, almost as though he were holding someone's hand.  
'Doctor?' Jack asked quietly.  
'Hmmm?' the Doctor refused to look up instead focusing on the buttons his fingers were pressing in well-practiced sequence.  
'What's going on?' Jack had never really been one for subtlety. He was certain there was something happening, something that concerned the Doctor, something that worried him. He'd noticed it under the bridge when the Doctor had appeared to be talking to someone. Jack was a perceptive man, and nothing around the Doctor was to be overlooked.  
'What do you mean? We're taking you home.' The Doctor continued to watch his moving hand. Jack shook his head and walked determinedly to the Doctor's side.  
'No, Doctor. I mean this.' Jack grabbed the Doctor's left hand and lifted it. The Doctor jumped with the suddenness of the solid touch and the loss of the illusion. He wrenched his hand from Jack's and took a step back. He looked at Rose who was now standing beside Jack.  
'Tell him Doctor.' She said. The Doctor looked uncertain and wary. Sure, tell his companions that he'd been seeing things for the past few months. But Rose looked determined and he reasoned that if she was a figment of his imagination and therefore, on a certain level, himself, then maybe he had a very good reason for telling himself to tell the others. Either way he was tired of keeping this particular secret.

He looked at Jack and, seeing the desire to understand, and concern, in his eyes, he began.  
'I can see Rose.' He said simply.  
Jack looked puzzled, trying to figure out just what the Doctor meant by that.  
'What do you mean you can see her? Like through some sort of portal between the dimensions?'  
'No.' The Doctor rubbed the back of his head. 'She's standing right beside you.'  
Jack moved and looked around him.  
'You can't see her. Only I can.' The Doctor refused to let any emotion other than tiredness to find it's way into his voice.  
'What is it then? How can you see her?' Jack frowned thinking of any alien explanation his mind could draw up.  
'I don't know.' The Doctor sounded so much like he'd meant it that Martha and Jack were immediately a bit scared.  
'Doctor?' Martha was concerned. He knew she would be the one to reach for the medical explanation. She was honestly trying hard not to jump to the conclusion that was dangling in front of her nose and asked, 'How long?'  
The Doctor looked at Rose. It was easier to watch her than the others.  
'The first time was in Manhattan.'  
Rose smirked at the memory of the Doctor's reaction to her and the chair he'd tripped over. He couldn't help but smile back at her.

'Oh but not all the time.' The Doctor looked from Jack to Martha. 'Just every now and then. It's only been four times I think.'  
Rose nodded in agreement. He probably didn't need to know all the times she'd come just to watch him sleep and disappeared before he'd woken.  
Martha looked a little relieved but still as puzzled as Jack.  
'Was there anything connecting the instances?' Martha was in full doctor mode. The Doctor was sure that if she'd had her way she'd have pushed him into the medical room and been shining blinking lights in his eyes by now.  
The Doctor thought for a few seconds. 'Oh I was thinking about her!' He looked at Rose. 'Each time, I was thinking about you and you came.' He turned back to Martha. 'I mean she didn't come every time I thought about her… but those times I was.'  
Martha sighed. Psychology really wasn't her area. She much preferred physical medicine, illnesses and problems with straightforward solutions. She hadn't the first idea of how to begin with a nine hundred-year-old alien who usually knew a vast deal more than she did anyway. She thankfully noted that the Doctor didn't look as though he would want her to try and help in this anyway, in fact he looked almost fearful of it.

All three fell silent, looking between each other and anything in the room, lost in their own thoughts. Then, something happened. The Doctor's eyes grew wide and he shouted 'What?!'

Rose had been so relieved that the Doctor had told Jack and Martha about her, and that now they were caring for him, that she had let go for an instant. Just an instant, but it was enough. Reality had bled through the connection and the Doctor had seen her as she really was. The image of Rose strapped down, her body bruised and bloody, had seared itself into the Doctor's mind.

'What was that?!' He was yelling now. Rose flinched and backed away from him around the console.


	6. Chapter 6

Sadness Seen 6/8

A/N: Warning – this chapter contains pain of the physical variety.

'What was that?' The Doctor asked, fear creeping into his voice. 'What was that?!' He yelled that one and ran around the TARDIS console to where Rose was uncomfortably shifting from one foot to the other.  
'It wasn't anything.' She wouldn't look at him in case he read the truth in her eyes.  
'Rose.' She remained silent looking at the TARDIS column. 'Rose.' He warned again. More silence. 'Rose Tyler tell me what is happening!' The anger in his voice made her head snap round. She took a tiny step back from the emotion in his eyes.  
'I can't.' Her voice cracked as tears filled her eyes. 'You can't know.'  
'Why not?' The Doctor's voice was soft and gentle again.  
Jack and Martha looked from each other to the Doctor, trying to figure out what was happening from the only side of the conversation they could hear.  
Rose bit her lip. 'I…' She choked on her words, the war inside her to speak or remain silent was fierce. She knew she couldn't tell him. It was impossible, he couldn't do anything and it would just add to the sorrow in his eyes. But she was desperate for him to know, for him to save her, to feel his arms around her again. Slowly her mind gave in to the inevitable.

'You're real,' he said softly. 'I'm not imagining you. You're real.' The realisation was amazing, freeing and terrible all at once. Rose nodded, smiling a little.  
'Rose, can you show me?' The focus of his gaze was intense as he willed her to show him.  
Rose hung her head and let reality flood into his mind.  
The Doctor let his eyes drift closed and swallowed hard. He'd known that anything Rose was keeping from him must be bad, but this.  
'Oh Rose.'

Rose was strapped to a steel contraption that ensured she was permanently half standing, half sitting. There was barely an inch of skin that was not marred by angry bruises or welts. A large gash ran down the side of her face from above her hairline to her chin. Her right hand was swollen and it appeared that if he touched her two middle fingers he'd find them not to contain strong bone but something more resembling porridge. Her left leg was badly twisted and had at least two breaks in it. Her t-shirt had ridden up a little and the skin beneath showed that her stomach had received many blows, as though someone had used her as a punching bag. She was breathing very shallowly in an attempt not to move her lungs and cause herself even more pain. She tried to open her eyes, which had swollen shut, and to smile at him as though to say 'It's not that bad.'

The Doctor looked at her in horror. Then he said in a very low and dangerous tone. 'Who did this?'  
Rose showed him an image of her captor. A spindly old man, half bent over. He had a long curved nose, very little hair and long fingers that curled around his cane. His tiny eyes were deep violet.  
'Oh Rose.'  
The images melted away from him and he stood once more in the TARDIS with Rose healthy and whole before him. The Doctor clenched his teeth together and took half a calming breath.  
'I'm coming for you.' Nothing in any universe would stop him now. The Doctor was rage and fire and ice.

Everyone began to talk at once.  
'But you can't. You said it was impossible.' Rose wrapped her arms around herself trying not to let even the tiniest glimmer of hope enter her mind, but he was her Doctor.  
'What? What's going on?' Martha ran over to the Doctor, Jack on her heels.  
'Doctor? What's happening?' Jack put a hand on his shoulder.

'A wraitreth has Rose.' The Doctor's voice was deadly and quiet.  
'A what?' Asked Martha  
'No.' Jack's mouth fell open in horror.  
Seeing the Doctor was thinking too deeply to answer her properly Martha turned on Jack.  
'What's a wraitrees…wrai… whatever?'  
'Wraitreth.' Jack corrected her without taking his gaze from the Doctor, anger, horror and disbelief lacing his voice. 'It's a psychopathic, sadistic…' He trailed off and then turned to her to finish. 'This alien race that tortures people. Not for any other reason than that it's fun.'

Jack turned back to the Doctor whose eyes were glued to Rose but whose mind was silently racing.  
'Doctor?' There was no reply so Jack tried again. 'Doctor?'  
'Hmm?'  
'You said we could get her back? How? I though there was no way of reaching her without the universes imploding or something.'  
'Oh no.' The Doctor let his eyes slide from Rose to Jack for a second. 'There's always been a way.'

Three voices chorused 'What?!'  
'Oh yeah. Didn't I tell you?' The Doctor was grinning and looking genuinely shocked that they didn't know. Then he got serious again. 'It's just that it's incredibly difficult and very dangerous, could cause the end of all existence. And that's when you have five Time Lords at least doing it. But there's only me now.'  
'You can do it Doctor.' Jack said firmly.  
'You think so? You don't even know what it is.' The Doctor looked at each of them. Jack's jaw was set in determination and confidence. Martha smiled and nodded reassuringly. Rose looked certain that he could do it, but also torn that she didn't think she was worth even the slightest possibility of the end of all existence.

'Right.' The Doctor grinned. 'This will be fun.'  
He turned to Rose. 'Now do you know where you are?'  
She shook her head, afraid that at any moment the whole plan would fall apart.  
'That's okay.' The Doctor reassured her. 'Do you have your TARDIS key?'  
She brightened and nodded. 'Yes. It's in my pocket. He didn't even go through my clothes. Wasn't looking for anything. Just started…' She shut her mouth hurriedly.  
'I know.' The Doctor nodded. 'And good. That'll make it easy to find you. This has to be very quick. No time to dilly dally or shilly shally.' The Doctor frowned over his words and made a mental note not to use them again, hopefully ever. Then he grew serious again.

'Rose, you have to decide now. I can rescue you and take you back to Jackie… or… or you could… come back… with me.' The Doctor looked hopeful but very unsure.  
Rose smiled. 'There is no decision Doctor. I've already made it. I told you, I'm not leaving you.' A swift and uncertain thought entered her mind. 'Un… unless you don't want me… to…'  
The Doctor shook his head a little and smiled shyly. 'Oh no. I'd love you… here… I mean…' He held his hand out palm up. Rose nodded.  
'Good. That's it then.' She placed her hand above his. The Doctor swore that if he stretched his mind a little more he could feel the warmth of her skin. He smiled softly at the sensation.

The Doctor turned back to Jack and Martha who had been watching the one-side conversation with different feelings. Jack was smiling in memory and thinking how much he loved these two people. Martha had a slight frown as she saw and realised for the first time what the Doctor was like when he loved someone. She couldn't help but draw comparisons to John Smith and how he'd been with Joan. She was pulled away from her thoughts by the Doctor's voice.  
'Right, well I'll need you both to do this. You'll have to learn exactly what I tell you and do it perfectly, otherwise … well never mind otherwise.' The Doctor was racing around the console now, pushing seemingly random buttons and pulling levers. He stopped abruptly next to Rose.  
'Not you Rose, you have to leave.' She opened her mouth to protest. 'No. no. I don't think the universe would like it if you were on board. But also I need to concentrate, very hard and you… you're a distraction.' She raised an eyebrow playfully at him. He grinned back. 'So off you go.'  
She nodded and began to fade.  
'Oh and Rose.' He called after her and she stopped. He held out his hands to almost cup her face but not break the illusion. 'I'm coming for you.'  
Her eyes lit up and she whispered 'I love you.' And faded away completely.  
The Doctor grinned at the empty space for a second before spinning back to his two companions.  
'Right, Jack. Martha.' He nodded to each of them. 'Here's what I need you to do.'

The next few hours were spent preparing the TARDIS and with the Doctor teaching them each the intricate sequences they'd have to carry out. Neither of them wanted to ask the Doctor what he would be doing while they were manning the console, nor why the TARDIS seemed to be directing concerned hums and beeps at him. Jack picked it up more easily than Martha due to his previous experience and knowledge, but eventually they were both ready and could perform their jobs perfectly.

With Martha and Jack in place around the console the Doctor turned his back on them and faced the wall. 'Come on.' He told it firmly.  
The TARDIS beeped a resolute 'no' at him.  
'We have to. You know it's the only way.' The TARDIS hummed her displeasure.  
'You want her back to don't you?' There was a small beep of affirmative.  
'Well then. Come on! We can do it. You and me.' The Doctor held his hands out imploringly to the wall. There was a hum very much like a resigned sigh and the wall opened a little.  
'Thankyou.' The Doctor dropped his hands and turned around to face Martha and Jack as a contraption like an arm extended out of the wall.

'Oh and did I also mention it's going to hurt… a lot.'  
They both began to protest and ask just how much pain.  
'Oh not you. Just me.'  
They didn't look all that greatly relieved by this, especially Martha who remembered the chameleon arch. The Doctor smiled reassuringly at them.  
'What's a little pain? Soon over.'  
The arm reached out and wrapped around his waist and hips, lifting him half a metre from the grating. The Doctor moved around a bit, finding the most comfortable position.  
'Ready?' He asked his companions who weren't sure if they were but were cautiously curious to see what was going to happen. 'Right.' He nodded and held his arms out wide. Six thin wires descended from somewhere above the ceiling. They separated into two groups, three on either side. They hovered there almost uncertainly.  
'Come on.' The Doctor nodded. When the TARDIS still held back he said it again. Then yelled in almost desperation. 'Do it!'

Two of the wires descended a little further and after a pause launched towards him, burying themselves in either side of his chest, pushing through flesh deep into his hearts. The Doctor screamed and then gasped, drawing in deep settling gulps of air. Martha and Jack, their eyes wide in horror, ran to stop it.  
'No, no, no. It's okay. Meant to happen. Has to be this way.' He waved them away.  
The second set of wires moved, these to either side of his head and buried themselves through his temples. The Doctor gasped and screamed in turn, his eyes squeezed shut against the pain of the thin wires boring through his head. Then his eyes flew open and remained wide and staring as he heaved for air. The third set settled themselves before his eyes.  
Martha screamed. 'No!' As they flew into his eyes.

If the sound of the TARDIS's engines was the most beautiful sound in the world, the sound of the Doctor screaming was the most terrible. Jack watched on in terror — not sure if he should intervene or not, he couldn't move or take his eyes of the convulsing Doctor. Martha stood at his side and cried huge loud sobs into her hands, her eyes also glued to the Doctor. Jack reached out and put a hand firmly on her shoulder, perhaps in reassurance that he didn't feel himself. He didn't really have a motivation. His mind wasn't even taking anything in other than the Doctor.

After what seemed like forever the Doctor's screams subsided and he hung limp and silent in the mechanical arm. The screaming and shaking had been bad enough but the terrible silence that seemed to stretch on and on worried Jack and Martha more as they looked from the Doctor to each other and back again, their eyes asking 'What do we do?'


	7. Chapter 7

**Sadness Seen 7/8**

Eventually the Doctor's head raised, he stiffly straightened up in the mechanical arm and stopped. Then came a voice, not from the Doctor but from the TARDIS.

'We are the Doctor and we are the TARDIS.' The voice was the Doctor's but with a rich hum around each syllable. 'We are one.'  
Jack and Martha looked at each other in surprise at the odd new voice echoing through the TARDIS's corridors.

'We are beginning. Do as you have been taught.' The time rotor began to slide up and down in the central column. Jack and Martha ran back to the console and took up their positions. Their eyes carefully watched the controls they had been told to watch and their hands moved quickly through the sequences that would correspond to the changes in lights.

The Doctor hung in the time vortex. He spun as he flew through the swirling colours, faster and further. The pain was long forgotten and now belonged to the body, which hung in the control room, not to him. He was the TARDIS. His ship, his beautiful ship. She was stronger and closer in his mind than ever before. She sang sweetly and happily to have her mind so entwined with her wonderful Doctor. Soon their minds calmed, peaceful and clear. They needed to think very clearly. His new eyes were sharp and bright and saw everything. The Doctor searched the vortex for the tiny niche he knew would be there.

There it was a tiny flash of silver. He dove towards it faster and faster — and stopped. He paused motionless before the sliver that was only half the width of the TARDIS and a third her height. He gave the order to Jack and soon a stream of similar silver flowed from the TARDIS into the hole. Gradually, the gap grew. The TARDIS softly swayed, nudged by the eddies in the vortex. The silver stream continued until finally it was just larger than the TARDIS. They couldn't risk anymore.

'Now the supports.' The Doctor/TARDIS said into the control room. Martha and Jack both pushed several buttons and millions of tiny gold spheres flew towards the gap. They settled themselves into its edges and connected with each other. Satisfied that it would hold, the Doctor began to move towards the gap between the universes. Gently, gently he inched his way through. This was why he and the TARDIS had to merge. Neither of them could have done it separately. The Doctor's reflexes weren't quick enough and the TARDIS's mind and sight weren't sharp enough. But together, and with Martha and Jack keeping an eye on the controls, together it was possible. The four of them together, oh yes! They could do it. They were doing it.

The Doctor felt the TARDIS getting excited and sent a gentle warning thought. He needed calm and if she grew too excited it would spill over into his mind and they were all lost. She apologised and began to hum peacefully. He mentally nodded. They were halfway through now. Almost there. Inch by inch by inch. Martha and Jack waited anxiously inside, their eyes still watching the controls, ready to push buttons and pull levers at a moment's notice. But still, it was taking a while. Martha began to almost imperceptibly rock back and forwards on her heels, her hands gripping the console. Jack smiled a little at her.

And they were through! The TARDIS broke free of the carefully crafted doorway and flew through the new vortex towards a different, but very familiar, Earth. After a brief scan of the planet they found the TARDIS's lost key and the young woman attached. They rematerialised the TARDIS in a dark corridor five floors below ground level in an abandoned apartment building.

Noticing the time rotor had stopped moving Jack looked at the door and whispered 'We're here.'  
'Yes we are, Jack.' The Doctor/TARDIS agreed. 'When you leave the TARDIS there will be a door in front of you. Through that you will find a long corridor with many doors. Go to the end of the corridor. There will be a door on either side. Through the door on the left is Rose.' The Doctor/TARDIS paused. 'The Doctor cannot go with you. You must do this alone.' As much as he wanted to storm into the building and rain vengeance down on the twisted creature, the Doctor could not be separated from the TARDIS. He would not survive a second joining so soon after the first and they must be joined in order to return through the void. He had to trust the rescue to Jack and Martha.

'We'll find her.' Jack nodded.  
'Remember his cane, Jack. You have to break the cane.'  
Jack nodded again. He knew wraitreths. They looked like weak little old men but in reality they were very fast and reasonably strong. The cane would be linked to the wraitreth's life, break that and the wraitreth dies. If he didn't get the cane then he and Martha could very easily end up as caught as Rose was.

Jack and Martha moved a little apprehensively towards the door.  
'Martha.' The Doctor/TARDIS called and Martha turned back. 'Take the letter. Leave it where you find Rose.' On the console was a cream envelope she hadn't noticed before. She picked it up and turned it over. 'Jackie Tyler' was written in swirling letters across the front. The Doctor had written while he'd been teaching them how to pilot the TARDIS. Martha had wondered what he'd been writing. Inside he explained what had happened to Rose and that she was okay now and that she was with him. He'd included a short note to Mickey as well. Then before sealing it he slipped a tiny beacon inside. It would send out a signal no one but Torchwood would be able to find, but compelling to them.

'We'll save her Doctor.' Jack said and taking Martha's hand he pulled her out and shut the door, leaving the Doctor and the TARDIS to wait in anxious silence.

Jack and Martha stepped out into the dark corridor. The only light came from a flickering exit sign at the far end and from the shining police box sign above them. Martha shifted her hand in Jack's and tightened her grip. With his other hand Jack pulled out the gun he'd hidden in the waistband of his trousers and held it ready. He'd wisely attached a silencing device to it. The pair looked at each other nervously and began down the corridor. Their footfalls sounded horribly loud to them in the stale stillness. Martha swallowed and fought to keep a tight reign on the fear that was creeping up her spine. To do this was bad enough but to do it without the Doctor was terrifying.

At long last they reached the end of the corridor and stood under the exit sign. Turning to the left as they'd been instructed they found themselves in front of an old door. The green light cast an eerie glow over the peeling paint. Two brass numbers were attached announcing it to be apartment twenty-three. The top screw of the three had long since fallen out and been lost, its number hung upside down. Jack let go of Martha's hand and slowly turned the round dirty handle. It squeaked loudly and they both winced. The sound echoed a little and they held their breaths until it had died away and not been followed by any sound that might indicate approaching footsteps.

Jack pushed the door open as quietly as he could. The room was of a medium size and dimly lit. Dirty carpet that had once been blue covered the floor, peeling away from the walls in places. A table was covered in instruments that Martha really didn't want to know the use of. There was a door at the far end of the room. The wraitreth was nowhere to be seen.

Directly in front of them was a tall metal structure with a body strapped to it. Martha quickly ran to the other side of it and gasped in horror when she saw Rose, her hands flew over her mouth. Jack stood beside her, his jaw clenched in fury. He motioned for her to quickly release Rose. He kept his eyes on the far door. Martha began to work the buckle holding Rose's hands and Rose jerked awake. She looked about in fear until she saw Martha and Jack then she gave a half smile.  
'Jack. Hi.' She smiled at Martha as well.  
'Hi yourself.' Jack whispered back and took his eyes off the door for a second to smile at her. It was a mistake. By the time he turned back the wraitreth had bounded halfway across the room towards them.

Jack swiftly shot the creature. It was cheating and the Doctor wouldn't approve but this was Jack's call. The gun wouldn't keep the wraitreth down forever, nor would it kill him. But it would keep him twitching on the ground just long enough for Jack to grab the cane from him and break it over his knee, which is what he did. The wraitreth stopped twitching and began convulsing instead. It let out a scream and then fell silent. Jack nudged it with his toe and it slumped, dead on the floor. He kicked the body once for his own satisfaction and once more for the Doctor and then two larger ones to the creature's head for Rose. At Martha's urgently whispered 'Jack!' he shoved the gun back into the waistband at the back of his trousers and turned to help her finish releasing Rose. They moved swiftly just in case there was more than one wraitreth around.

As they released the band that held her hips in place Rose fell forward. Jack caught her and lifted her gently into his arms, trying not to cause her any more pain than necessary. Martha securely hid the letter under the metal structure and ran to the door they'd come through. She pulled it open and looked back at Jack and Rose. Jack cast another glance at the far door and, seeing all was quiet and still, he hurried after Martha.

He shifted Rose to a better position in his arms and moved her carefully through the doorway. He motioned for Martha to take the gun which she did. She held it as she'd seen him do. He motioned to her again, this time to tell her to begin down the corridor and followed her as she walked as quickly as fear and caution would allow back towards the TARDIS. The idea that at any minute a wraitreth or ten could enter the corridor from any one of the doors they passed and that Martha held their only weapon did nothing for Jack's sense of protection. He held Rose a little tighter and focused on the police box sign ahead of them.

They reached the TARDIS without incident and for several agonizing seconds Martha fumbled with her TARDIS key before the door swung open. Jack breathed a sigh of relief as he carried Rose through the console room into the medical room. He gingerly laid her on the bed and after gently squeezing her less injured hand and grinning at her with the joy of having her back again he bounded from the room and took up his place at the console.

The Doctor/TARDIS took them back into the void and in silence they completed the journey home. As soon as they broke through into the time vortex of their own universe the Doctor separated his mind from the TARDIS who settled into a calm spinning pattern. The Doctor's body was again held erect while the thin wires swiftly and painfully withdrew from his body. He fell limp once more.  
'Jack.' He called. Jack moved to his side and caught him when the mechanical arm released the Doctor's exhausted body. Jack lifted him easily into his arms and carried him into the medical room as he had done with Rose. Martha anxiously followed close behind.

As there was only one bed in the room he laid the Doctor on a wide bench against the opposite wall to where Rose lay. Martha had hastily lain a few blankets on the bench so he wouldn't have to lie directly on the hard surface. She held his head in her hands and moved it from side to side, inspecting the marks left by the threads. They were clean and small and she couldn't see that there was anything she could do for the Doctor other than let his tired body recover so she moved to Rose.

When she'd first arrived on board and begun exploring this was the first room the TARDIS had shown her, after her bedroom. She took the box of cleansing cloths she'd found that first day and began to wipe Rose's injured skin clean. Rose's eyes opened, small bruised slits, when she felt the touch and she jumped, afraid it had all been a dream and she was back in the metal structure. When Martha placed a soothing hand on the top of her head and smiled at her she breathed a sigh of relief. She looked around her, as much as she could turn her head. Jack stood just inside the doorway, leaning against the wall with his arms comfortably folded across his chest.  
He smiled at her and said 'Hey, honey.'  
Rose smiled back. 'Jack,' her voice was a soft croak 'Thank you.'

Her gaze moved on around the room, searching for someone. When she found him lying across the room her face lit up and a few small tears stung her eyes.  
'Hello.' He grinned. His eyes were only barely working, the room appeared dim with bright yellow splotches here and there, but he could see her. He could see the outline of her and knew that she was Rose. Rose bit the inside of her lip and tried to keep from crying in relief and joy, she wasn't very successful and a small sob escaped her.

Martha quickly finished cleaning the upper half of her body and moved to her legs. Whatever her feelings about this woman the caring side of her that had prompted her to become a doctor in the first place just couldn't see Rose's injuries and not try to help.

After a few moments of quiet with only the sound of Martha's washing and the soft hum of the TARDIS Jack felt he'd waited long enough.  
'So, how'd you do it Rose?'  
Rose tore her eyes from the Doctor and looked at him puzzled.  
'How'd you appear to the Doctor?'  
Rose smiled and began to explain, pausing every now and then to draw deep breaths into her lungs. 'Helped a race of aliens a while back. The sephiri. They were beautiful.' She smiled in memory. 'When the wraitreth caught me they came. Said they couldn't interfere or free me but they could help. They could help my mind to fly away.' Rose paused again. 'They said they'd seen the sadness in me.' She looked back at the Doctor, 'said they'd seen yours too. So they connected us.' She fell silent and watched the Doctor who'd yet to take his eyes from her.

Martha finished making Rose a bit more comfortable and began to search for more instruments that could possibly help. She didn't yet understand how to use all the complex equipment the Doctor kept in here but something was sure to be of use.  
'Martha.' The Doctor called gently. She turned to look at him, his gaze still on Rose. 'I'll do it later.'  
Martha began to protest but stopped when Jack shifted purposefully by the door. He motioned with his head to indicate they should leave. She nodded and they quietly left the room.

The Doctor and Rose watched each other until their tired eyes could stay open no longer and they drifted into dreamless sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thankyou all so much for your encouragement and wonderful reviews! I hope you enjoy this final chapter!

**Sadness Seen 8/8**

Rose lay limp and unmoving on the bed in the crisp, clean medical room of the TARDIS.  
'I've dulled the pain receptors in your body so you shouldn't feel any pain, maybe a slight tingling.'  
The Doctor approached the bed, a small medical device similar in appearance to the sonic screwdriver in hand. 'Right, top to bottom I think.'

He ran the device over her head, paying extra attention to the gash, which cleansed and drew together under the soft green glow. Her eyes healed and gradually opened normally. 'Beautiful.' The Doctor breathed as he watched them. Rose smiled, her lips returned to their natural shell pink.

'Nothing anywhere else?' the Doctor put the device down and moved his fingers through her hair, checking for bumps.  
'No.' Rose mouthed, her voice the barest whisper as she watched him, enthralled by the nearness of him and the feeling of his fingers in her hair. He looked down and grinned at her.  
'Good.' He placed a swift but gentle kiss on her forehead, loving the sharp breath Rose drew into her lungs.

He picked up the device again and began on her neck, moving down over her shoulders, arms and chest. The green light turned mottled skin back to its natural colour as he worked. Rose could feel the tingling sensation on her back as well. The device was healing all sides of her at the same time. She decided that, without contest, this had to be the best invention of all time.

The Doctor finished with her left hand and lifted her palm to his mouth. The feeling of his lips pressed to her skin and his breath fluttering over her wrist had Rose breathing shallowly again, but from a different reason than pain. The Doctor smiled against her palm before placing her arm back on the clean blue sheet.

He walked around the bed to begin on her right hand. He lifted her hand, saw her fingers and a flash of anger entered his eyes and his jaw clenched before he pushed the emotion away and concentrated on healing her.

As he finished with each finger, knitting her bones back together he gently kissed each one and on finishing the whole hand he turned it over to repeat the kiss he'd placed in the palm of her left. But this time as his mouth was pressed against her skin he simply couldn't resist and let his tongue slip from between his lips to taste her. Mmmm new skin. Rose curled her fingers around his jaw and bit her lip as she watched him. He looked up and watched her as he went for a second taste. She grinned at him and playfully pushed him away.

He looked a little put out but cleared his throat and said 'Quite right, work to be done.'  
He picked up the forgotten device once more and began to move it over her stomach, hips, legs and down over her feet. At the completion of each foot her swiftly kissed the soles of her feet and then stood back to admire his handiwork.

Placing the device back on the bed he held his hands out to her and helped her sit up, legs swinging over the side.  
'Did I miss anywhere?' he held her arms out and looked her over.  
'Just one spot.'  
'Hmmm?' He looked back at her to find her smiling impishly at him. He grinned back. Rose wondered if she dared kiss him, after all she wasn't totally sure where they stood now. It turned out she did dare and that the dare wasn't as risky as she'd thought as the Doctor had had the same idea and met her half-way.

Rose sighed happily as the Doctor's tongue found its way into her mouth, his left hand into her hair and his right around her back as he successfully attempted to kiss and hug her as tightly as he could at the same time. Rose settled for gripping the sides of his suit.

'Is this a private party or can anyone join?' Came a voice from the doorway.  
The Doctor released Rose and grinned. Nothing could bring his mood down today, or possibly for the next century, not even meddling time agents with a lousy sense of timing.

'Jack!' Rose cried in delight and jumped off the bed as the Doctor stood back watching them. She ran to him and laughed as he lifted her up and spun her around in a hug. As he put her back on her feet she saw the third member of the current TARDIS party standing in the doorway. Jack had previously been tactfully blocking her view of the medical room.  
'Martha.' Rose held out her hand. 'I'm Rose.'  
Martha took her hand and smiled, not quite trusting herself to speak yet.  
'Can I? Do you mind?' Rose asked holding her arms out a little uncertainly, hoping Martha understood what she was too shy to say outright.  
Martha nodded and received Rose's hug.  
'Thank you.' Rose whispered in her ear. Martha nodded again and stepped back as Jack reclaimed Rose, grinning as he hugged her tightly once more.  
'Good to have you back, honey.'

Two hours later after many hugs and quick run downs of what each had been doing the four of them stood outside the TARDIS in front of Martha's parents' house.  
'Are you sure?' the Doctor asked her. 'There's plenty of room and we'd love to have you.'  
Seeing the uncomfortable look of dismay on Martha's face Rose turned to Jack and taking his hand she began to pull him away. 'We'll be back in minute. Just have to check something.'  
Martha watched them go a sad but grateful smile on her lips. She liked Rose, couldn't help but like her and she wasn't sure if that made things better or worse.  
'Martha?' The Doctor asked, hands in his pockets.  
Martha shook her head slightly.  
'No.' She said quietly. 'I need this.' Then she brightened up a bit and smiled at him in false cheerfulness. 'You see I'm a doctor, or nearly, and there are people who need me.' She watched as he nodded understandingly. No, she thought, just this once it had to be the truth. 'You see I had this friend. There was a bunch of them all squeezed in together and she liked this guy, Sean. Completely adored him, she did. Talked about him all day long. But he didn't even see her. I mean, he liked her and all but that was it.' Martha took a breath. 'And I told her, over and over I told her, 'get out.' Cause while he was there she couldn't see anyone else.' Martha smiled a little at him. 'So this is me. Getting out.'

The Doctor nodded, understanding. She saw love in his eyes which she knew to be platonic, but most of all she saw pride. She saw how proud he was of her. Her eyes shone a little with tears that she forbade to fall.  
'Here.' She handed him her phone. 'When that rings you'd better come, cause I'm not having you disappear.'  
He nodded and grinned at her.  
Rose and Jack returned from around the corner of the house where they'd apparently been admiring the greenery.

Martha waved.  
'You're off then?' Asked Jack, knowing the answer, and he enveloped her in a big hug. As he let her go Rose quickly hugged her and held her hand a moment.  
'Bye Martha, we'll be seeing you?' It was half question and half statement. Martha nodded, knowing Rose understood that she needed some time and that they wouldn't be back for a bit, possibly until she rang for them, unless there was a crisis or some sort in London, which was highly likely.

Soon all three were back in the TARDIS and Martha stood in the breeze watching the beautiful yet ordinary blue box disappear. She reached into her pocket and fingered the yellow post-it note. Earlier, after they'd rescued Rose, Martha had gone back to her room to hide, cry a little and to think. After coming to a decision she'd washed her face in the little ensuite the TARDIS had given her, When she turned back to the main part of her room she found that the TARDIS had transformed one of her walls. There was a message in huge letters reaching across the wall. FIND SARAH JANE. Beneath the words there was a yellow post-it note which had the name 'Sarah Jane Smith', an address and a contact number on it. She wasn't sure who this person was, but if the TARDIS wanted her to find her then she would. Martha rubbed the wall with her hand in goodbye and wondered how she'd ever considered the marvelous ship to be just a machine.

The Doctor, Rose and Jack were soon standing near Jack's base of operations in Cardiff.  
'You don't have to go, you know. You could come with us. I don't mind really.' The Doctor assured him. Having been confronted with his prejudice and Jack's presence the Doctor had been endeavoring to conquer the odd feeling he got when he saw Jack 'fact-in-time' Harkness.

Jack shook his head resolutely and grinned. 'No. I've got people to look after now. Work to be done. You two have fun. Maybe I'll come for a trip sometime later. I've got all the time in the world anyway.' He laughed a little to convince them. The truth was he'd known he couldn't travel with the Doctor and Rose ever since they'd begun the mission to rescue her, but it was seeing them in the medical room that had clinched it. Watching the two people he loved best in the universe snogging and desperately clinging to each other as though the other might suddenly disappear had driven home to him just how much they needed to be alone right now. To find out just what they meant to each other, where they stood and to even get to know each other again. They couldn't do that as easily with him in the way.

'Besides I'm sure there'll be another apocalypse or invasion soon that you'll be back for.' He reached out and hugged them both at the same time. 'I'll see you soon.' And with that he turned and ran off, eager to see his waiting friends and find out what he was certain were going to be very interesting stories of the Himalayas. In the distance he turned to look back at them and grinned as he saw the Doctor take Rose's hand and pull her into the TARDIS.

~*~

The Doctor moved around the console, happier than he'd been in a long time. Rose stood watching the time vortex drifting past the monitor. Pulling one final lever the Doctor stopped behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She smiled and covered his hands with her own. Leaning down a little he tucked his chin over her shoulder and squeezed her in a tight hug and they both grinned and made little noises of happiness, the TARDIS singing in their minds.

A small but insistent thought entered the Doctor's mind. His smile softened a little at it and a small sigh escaped him.  
'Rose.' He closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her body in his arms.  
'Hmmm?' Rose had also closed her eyes, enjoying the realness of him. Her mind was pleasantly content and delighted.  
The thought prodded him a little and he mentally nodded at it. He was going to say it. He knew he was. Not because he had to or because there was some universal debt to be paid, but simply because he found that he could. And because it was very simply, utterly true.  
'I love you.' His voice sounded strange to him.  
Rose turned in his arms slightly and looked up at him. Her eyes showing her desperate hope that she hadn't misheard his words. She was scared that if she asked him to repeat himself it might turn out to be untrue.  
'What?' She nervously bit her lip.  
'I love you.' He said simply.  
'Really?' Rose felt maybe she was pushing her luck now, but the Doctor rested his forehead on hers and nodded.  
'I love you.'  
This time she believed him and turned completely to rest her head on his shoulder, her forehead pressed against his neck. She wrapped her arms tightly around him as he shifted his grip on her.

They stood there in each other's arms for a long time while the TARDIS happily drifted through the time vortex.


End file.
